Few things make us more uncomfortable than change—because we always want to control it. We want some part of our lives transformed for the better while everything else stays just the way we left it. Or we want to avoid an inevitable change that’s barreling down upon us. I’m speaking here of the big life changes: new jobs, losing jobs, marriages, births, and those occasional moments when a word of advice or a sudden change in perspective sets you out on a new and unexpected path. Capital “C” changes.

This is one of the biggest issues in your life as a matter of practical importance, and it’s too broad and too personal to the individual for me to offer a single piece of advice that sets everything in its proper place. However, changes (even seemingly negative changes) are not necessarily for the worst, or the result of a wrong step. And I think I can offer a couple pieces of practical insight for a healthier and more truth-based outlook.

The first thing that has to go is the notion that all of these changes are or should be under your own control. Disheartening, I know, but none of us are all powerful or all-seeing. Life is messy, and as we’ve found in the past few weeks, even our own actions are far from completely under our control. In life, we have the chance to make all sorts of important decisions, but we must work with what we are given, which sometimes changes for reasons we couldn’t possibly predict or control.

I find that it’s better to think in terms of opportunities, rather than ideals. Most of us have a vague idea of a “perfect” life, in which, no doubt, we are rich and successful, with a beautiful and caring spouse and plenty of leisure time. I’m sure you could add more to the ticket—I know I could. But this idealism is flawed for two reasons. First, because people are generally not great at predicting what will make them happy, and the most meaningful things in life are often those that you would never have chosen for yourself. Note that I’m not just talking about the struggle making the reward sweeter here. When I was a young man, I could literally not have imagined the work I do now, but I would not trade it for anything.

This way of thinking is also flawed because it tends to be made up out of whole cloth, and a worthwhile ideal has to be rooted in reality. That’s not to say there is no place for dreams, but dreams demand changes from us before they start to give them back. Often long before. So for this week, my advice is this: seek peace and joy in your life before idealistic fantasies, and remember that changes rarely if ever happen in isolation. If you want one, make some, and if one happens to you, then remember to adapt.

Have a blessed, wonderful day!

Dr. Alex Loyd

Alex

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