Imperfect Anonymous

As a follower of Jesus, I’ve often said that my ideal church gathering would look pretty close to an AA meeting. Although I was past thirty when I had my first drink, I spent some time observing Alcoholics Anonymous during my previous career in counseling and therapy, and I’ve always had a great deal of respect for them as an organization.

Which is not to say that I agree with every part of their philosophy. Today, I want to continue the discussion we started last week on the importance of realizing the only thing we can completely control: our intention.

There’s a curious dichotomy in AA. It comes from the fact that they teach you to accept responsibility for your own actions. “So what?” You may think. “Everyone teaches that. What’s the alternative?” Fair question, but consider that AA also teaches that you (the hypothetical alcoholic) are powerless against alcohol, and to submit yourself to a higher power.

My question is this: how do you accept responsibility for something you can’t fully control? If you are helpless against alcohol, then why should you be expected to rend your garments when it takes you for a ride?

Of course, I’m using some hyperbole here, but I think it speaks to an idea that is often danced around but rarely properly articulated, because it seems to conflict with reality. How could we not be responsible for our own actions?

In short, because we are used to thinking only in physical, worldly terms. I find it useful here to draw my own definitions. We are accountable for our actions. We should be able to give an account of whatever we’ve done, and to accept the physical consequences (and perhaps society’s justice) for them. But internally, are we truly responsible for this disease that has taken hold of us? I would say that the heart and soul are responsible only for what they completely control—our intentions. And only God may judge those.

One of the worst things about addictions is that once it starts, the cycle of failure is self-sustaining. Willpower is a limited resource, quickly drained by guilt and shame and the lure of the forbidden. The internal result of this change in thinking is huge, as failure no longer needs to be an obstacle to optimism. The trying is everything—each failure is a lesson; each success is confirmation. The whole ride only goes one way, and that’s forward.

Have a blessed, wonderful day!

Dr. Alex Loyd